Goodbye At Last

by Barbi D

Saying goodbye is never easy It's the hardest thing to do But what hurts even more Is not the chance to say it to you. Yesterday is just a memory Our laughter was sunny and bright Then clouds started to gather For you were no where in sight. You were my first real love And this I will never forget How you left without a warning No good-byes, my only regret. Wherever I may be now Always searching for another so true To place my world of emotion Handing my love to someone like you. If again I must go there And experience all the pain I would do it in a minute For all the good I would gain. No matter what my wrongs You offered only love Until the day you left me For your new home up above. I know you still are with me Your love is within my heart Though life is no longer present Our souls will never part. This is given to you in honor Of all that we did share I just wanted you to know, dear, How much I really did care.

Tags: zoe
Current Mood: sad

You Meant So Much

by Cassie Mitchell

You meant so much to all of us You were special and that's no lie You brightened up the darkest day And the cloudiest sky Your smile alone warmed hearts Your laugh was like music to hear I would give absolutely anything To have you well and standing near Not a second passes When you're not on our minds Your love we will never forget The hurt will ease in time Many tears I have seen and cried They have all poured out like rain I know that you are happy now And no longer in any pain.

Tags: zoe
Current Mood: sad

I've come to a realisation now that I'm bored with Myspace, Facebook, Gaydar girls, Pink Sofa, etc, etc. I've actually come to a conclusion that the only reason I'm still on Facebook and Myspace is because of my friend who passed away, Zoe 'Magenta'. It is a connection to the past that I hang onto. Otherwise I would just delete my account. To hell with it! I stupidly joined Facebook last year, I have '72 friends', about half I've never met in real life.

I became addicted to Facebook from Day 1, spending hours and hours adding crap and childish applications. After Zoe died, my life was in pieces, and I found myself finding 'solace' in Facebook. It was my escape from reality. Send 'love', 'hugs', 'gifts' or 'kiss' your friends. I'm just re-reading that sentence, 'finding solace in Facebook'. Geez, I'm beginning to even feel sorry for myself!

I know I suffer from 'internet addiction' for the last couple of years. I spent 100 hours a month on the internet. This is besides working two part-time jobs and studying a demanding course at uni part-time. Where do I get this time? From staying up late into the wee hours of the morning on the net, depriving myself of sleep, and then complaining "I'm tired" the next day whilst drinking huge amounts of coffee.

The crunch came 2 weeks ago when a good friend (well I considered her to be one, I'm not sure if it was vice versa) suddenly 'blocked' me on Facebook. Firstly I realised that this 'friend' is actually quite vicious, and I had fallen flat on my face thinking she was in fact a genuine/nice/honest/caring friend. Secondly, I realised how 'creepy' Facebook could be. It's freaking me out. This is the dark side of Facebook I never knew about. I'm now checking my friends list daily to see if anyone has deleted me. It's not easy to work out if someone has blocked you, unless you figure it out. I never really knew about blocking and befriending and privacy. I've never really used those functions, except to keep my profile for friends viewing only. Finally, you and I know that Facebook does use our information in other creepy ways. It's a bit like a marketers dream, whereby they no longer have to employ call centre operators in India to find out this information. No, they have invented Facebook instead! Do you know how much Facebook makes in profit? It's laughable! Big Brother is watching you!

Blah, blah. Sorry to go on about that. I just thought the other day how much more fun it is to go out and actually meet real people. One can actually deduce a lot out of meeting, getting a gist of their vibes and personality. I went to a friend's birthday party on Saturday night, and I realised how much more fun it is to be out and about than in front of a computer screen sending a virtual 'gift' to a 'friend'. Or completing one more pathetic quizz called 'What kind of lover are you' or 'Which Sex in the City character are you'?

Maybe I'll get the courage one day and finally delete myself from 'MyFace' (aka MySpace, Facebook, Friendster, Flickr, Live Journal) and join the world again. Have drinks and dinners with friends. Go to events.

So tomorrow night I'm going to %$#^&* !@ ^%$ *&^%$ and Sunday night the *^%$%@$%. Mitch is getting a life. She's getting out of here!

Tags: life, myspace/facebook, social life
Current Location: Cyberspace
Current Mood: angry
Current Music: 'This Love' by the Veronicas

I ended up freaking out about the older woman. I think I've been under so much stress lately, my head isn't right. She's OK about it, told me to take it easy.

I had a really busy weekend, socialising and working. I'm really tired tonight. I went to Drag Kings on Friday night, with a friend from Sydney and her girlfriend. i had bad luck to run into Josie, who tried to say hello and be all friendly. As the Supernanny says, "Your'e behaviour is unacceptable"!!!! I ignored her and made a beeline around her, and she spent the rest of the night standing talking to the two of my friends, making the night uncomfortable.

My two friends left at 12:30pm, and Josie finally p***** off. I was then left on my own, and decided to dance on my own. That wasn't for long. There was another chic on her own, also called Michelle, waiting just for me. We stayed until closing time, and Facebook names and phone numbers.

The music was mainly s***, except for Timbaland's 'The way I am'. There's something about gay venues and bad music!!!! Just before I left, we asked for some 'recent' music to be played. The DJ then put on mega-crap music (probably what she liked) and started dancing away!!!!!. There was 1 person on the dancefloor besides us. That's when we decided to call it quits......

On Saturday night, I went to a friend's birthday do at Shebar. I feel so out of place at Shebar, it's not funny. But I spent the night outside in the beer garden, inhaling clean air (haha). I went home at 12am, heard enough Abba songs for the night. Again, Timbaland's 'The Way I are' was the best song played that night...........

Tags: life
Current Location: Somewhere in sleep land.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: 'The Way I Are' Timbaland

Trawling through the web I found this comment re social networking sites. I'm killing myself laughing. It does have a message though for us all..........

"This is why I quit MySpace.

It just felt like the biggest “ME ME ME” site ever. It just reminded me of how disposable friendships are these days and how the click of a button can completely block someone from your life. I’ve heard Facebook is better though- especially because someone told me you can throw sheep at people."

Current Mood: pissed off

The Forever Friend

by Artur Hawkwing

On my own, but mostly the savannah, Where the tumbleweeds fade away and die, Before the glassy sun burns a summer of crystals, The glistering waters of the high seas Of which was so far a place as of where vultures roam. I looked around but you weren't anywhere... You used to say that you would never die, But I took the wrong meaning into my heart. Now the sea is wild with despair, Deep blue like a prairie of flowers blue, Where all children of God rest in eternal peace. I saw you at the end, You and I, brother and sister of nature, Brother and sister of heaven and earth, Your usually calm and heavenly eyes full of tears, Bitterly falling one after one into a river, Then the river of life turned red in blood. My eyes watched in horror. Slowly and deadly your heart became poisoned, You disappeared without saying good-bye, Not a word came out of your mouth. You became like desolation in its grave. When once the skies were a realm of stars And the sun shone brightly in summer skies, You were there to share the calmness; But now I stand here in midst of the tall grass And only the savannah remains.

Tags: friends, life
Current Mood: sad

 I've sent Josie two messages, both haven't been replied to her.

Stuff her. 

As Ali says, it's her loss. 

FRIENDSHIPS LOST
(Scars That Can Never Heal)
© 1996 Bronwyn P

I see your smile
I know your mind
No words need be said
I understand.

Focused on each other
We listen and we care
Laughter ripples like water
Together, we are.

Others are here, yes,
And we value them, yes,
But a special bond remains,
A line between us two.

Each friendship is special
Each is unique
And so is ours
We know.

And then time begins to roll
and rear it’s ugly head
Change begins
Now a little less than before. The scars run deep
Jagged clefts in our souls
We have suceeded in hurting
And hurt ourselves.

Slowly, surely,
Not knowing why
Faster, stronger, without care
Our world shifts and shimmers and splits.

Shattered shards cascade down
Spurred by angry, lashing words
Contorted faces, stone deaf ears
Outside the whirlwind,
We die inside.

 So you move on
And I remain
We keep on living
Turn our faces apart.

Now I glance across
At you from outside
Shaded eyes dry with tears
New friends, new life.

Laughter, smiling (clenched teeth)
The flippant toss of the head
The enclosure surrounds you
I cannot come near.

From behind my glass window
I know more than those within
I see the hurt in your eyes
I know the pain in your smile
I have been there before - I love you
Why do you pretend?

I hate to see your pain
And I cry inside
Tears deep within my soul
I cannot help you anymore.

What we had once
We can never have again.

The scars run deep,
But I still care.

You were my friend.

Tags: facebook/myspace, friends, life
Current Mood: sad

I joined Facebook last year, to see what all the fuss was about. 

Funnily enough, I have found people I once knew years ago. My Best Friend in High School! People I knew randomly, and it's been a great tool to re-connect with them.

It's also been a not-so-good device to further feed my internet addiction.

I noticed one particular friend disappeared from my 'friends list' the other week. At first I thought she had left Facebook, about 2 of my friends cracked the s***** with Facebook and left.

I sent Josie a message asking why she had left my friends list. Instead of getting a reply back saying she'd left Facebook, I got a confusing message about 'making my profile more private'.

Hang on, I thought. Private? What's going on here?

I did some surfing around Yahoo Q & A's and suddenly the thought of blocking enters my head. I think this couldn't be a possibility. I read the Yahoo directions to find out if you have been blocked on Facebook, enter another email address on the default Facebook page. Voila! Josie shows up as being a contact on Facebook.

I want to pass out on the floor. Nobody has ever done anything this vicious and nasty towards me before.

I thought blocking was a fucntion used to get rid of weirdos/psychos/stalkers. Is this what she thinks of me? A stalking psycho so awful no-one-in-their-right-mind-would-want-to-know. I"m shocked. I don't know what to say.

I've only blocked on person in 2 years of cyber-socialising. One week after joining the sofa (Late 2006) I start talking to this woman. She wanted to see a pic of me. At that time, I didn't have a scanner or any photo ID on the sofa. So I send her a pic of me via my mobile. Big mistake. Soon this woman is ringing and leaving SMS's all the time. I tell her to leave me alone, I"m not interested in dating lipstick lesbians. She gets the message. 2 months later she is sending me smiles everyday. I block her. Funny thing is, two other friends I know have been harassed by her on the sofa. It's a small world after all.

I tell Michelle. She can't believe it. I tell my Mum. She tells me to 'bin friends like that'. I tell Ali, she thinks it must be a mistake. I tell Tori. She is stunned.I tell Cath, she says Josie can't be right in the head. I tell Jenni, she says 'f****** weirdos everywhere'.

I tell myself I've lost another friend.

Tags: facebook/myspace, friends, life
Current Location: home
Current Mood: crushed

I took two sleeping tablets with a glass of brandy last night and slept well after knocking myself out.  

I woke up the next feeling numb.

Tags: zoe
Current Mood: numb

I logged into Myspace this morning. Zoe had published a blog called 'Bye,bye'. I read it, and a chill went up my spine straightaway. I felt sick. It looked like a I rang Zoe's mobile. No answer.
I didn't know what to do. I thought of  jumping into the car and driving straight over to Mont Albert, too see what's going on. 

I remembered Zoe's ex-wife name, and that she works at a real estate agency in Blackburn. I googled her name, and found her mobile number.

Robyn answers straight away. I tell her I have seen Zoe's blog on Myspace, and say I feel it's a suicide note.

Robyn tells me Zoe has gone through with it. I start crying. 

I spend the whole day lying around crying. I don't eat anything for tea. I realise at 8pm I haven't had a drink since lunchtime, and I"m dying of thirst.

I don't know how I can live without Zoe, I can't imagine life without her.

My world has fallen to pieces.

Tags: zoe
Current Mood: disraught